Likability, Vulnerability, and Authenticity.
It's quite exhausting being a human sometimes! We run ourselves into the ground trying to make everyone happy and ensuring that no one dislikes us. *Shudders at the thought.* --Oh the horror!!
But in all seriousness, the desire to be liked is not anything new. Let's look at the exact definition:
Likability: easy to like; found pleasant; agreeable. AGREEABLE. Keep that word in the back of your head.
We have been trying to make sure that we're fully liked since the beginning of time. We give into peer pressure, deny our Lord, and disrespect ourselves to try and fit in. We like to blend, not stand out. We don't want to step on toes or be seen as confrontational because this could lead to someone disagreeing with us. Disagreements are not a good basis for being liked by every person in the world, cloud in the sky, drop of water in the ocean, and blade of grass on the lawn.
As much as we want to be liked, our desire rests truly with wanting to be liked as our authentic selves. Let's look at that definition next:
Authenticity: not false or copied; true; original. TRUE. Now keep that word in the back of your head too.
We want to be liked--fact. But deep down, we really want to liked as fully ourselves.
We're now delving into one of my favorite topics to talk about: insecurity. Insecurities seriously fascinate me. They're what can dictate our motives, thoughts, words, and actions out of such intense fear. At the same time, we are almost more scared for people to know what they are. We are so scared of vulnerability. If you've ever had a heart-break in some capacity, you know why. We are scared that if we are vulnerable, people will take advantage of us. They will run with those insecurities, validating them in a sense.
But here's the problem: we can't actually be authentic if we aren't vulnerable. If we classify the world as something it's not and shield our hearts from everything, we're doing ourselves such an injustice. Truthfully, yes, there will be people who will take advantage of your vulnerability. Overall, this is almost never the case. If we show that we trust people and ourselves enough to just be open and honest about the good and the bad, we open a door to something even more liberating than being likable. We become respectable.
We will never be liked by everyone. Even if you're the nicest and most agreeable person ever, you will always be "too nice" or "too agreeable" to someone else. We need to shift our focus from wanting to gain so many shallow "friendships" to just being an honest, respectable person. We need to stop being scared to be authentic and let people see who we really are as holistic beings. We need to find the courage to be vulnerable, up front, and honest with others. We need to stop being so scared of hurting feelings. We need to be our genuine selves.
The fact is that we can't be 100% likable by everyone in the world while we are striving to be 100% authentic. It just doesn't work like that. But at the very least, we need to stop being controlled by the possible judgement of others.
For the longest time, I wore a mask to hide parts of myself I was scared of being judged for. Eventually, this mask seemed to turn to cement and become a permanent part of myself. It weighed me down and became so heavy. I felt the biggest sense of relief when I finally took it off.
I hate to admit it, but I've worn masks like this on more than one occasion. The most obvious being my health. I could go months without anyone in public ever knowing I was in pain. I was absolutely convinced that I wouldn't be lovable if I wasn't in perfect health. I had built up in my head that if people knew I was sick, they would either take advantage of or underestimate me. Full disclosure, both of these things happened. People made me feel guilty constantly for not dropping out of school, quitting my job, stopping my clubs....etc. They told me that I wasn't prioritizing myself and must not have wanted to get well that badly. Relationships wore thin and I've definitely been told during a breakup long ago that it happened in part because he, "got impatient of waiting for me to get better." I seemed to be either not functional enough for some, while I was too functional for others. You really can't win in all situations!
When these negative reactions happen, we shut down so fast. All of our insecurities just became validated, so what other option do we have? We can continue on in bravery and throw all of that in the garbage because they do NOT define us!
Here's the thing, not everyone treated me like that. I was (and still am) completely blown away by the number of people who have reached out to me now because I finally felt brave enough to take off the mask. People contact me constantly asking for health advice and help receiving a Lyme diagnosis. Now, I get the incredible honor to keep so many people in my prayers and ask God for their healing. I get to meet and connect with people in such a beautiful way that only God could have curated. And those people who didn't handle the vulnerability well? 9/10 times it was because they just simply didn't understand how chronic illness works.
I have this incredible opportunity now to speak up and use my voice! To tell those people that while it is important to set aside time for rest, healing isn't just resting. Healing is prioritizing all parts of yourself and letting yourself know that you are still capable. For me, this meant staying in school, working my fabulous job, and living my life the way I feel God wants. Take rest days, please! But just because you are healing doesn't mean you need to put your life on hold. Now, I speak so easily about my health journey and could not be more appreciative for everything that has unfolded in my life because of it.
This was just one example about how so many doors have opened for me by being vulnerable. Vulnerability is something that needs to be constantly worked on though. I still wear masks for other insecurities in my life. The masks don't come down all at once and there will always be new ones. But we need to find ways to take each of them off one by one in a way that ensures we are being authentic.
By being powerfully vulnerable, we are gaining the respect of others and proving to be our authentic selves. Your bravery might intimidate some, the truth might make others uncomfortable, and you might lose a few followers along the way. But don't be scared to use your voice on whatever platform God has called you to because of the fear of being disliked. We aren't here for everyone to agree with us about everything. We are here to live and be truth itself. Dare to be courageous and bold today. Be brave.
But in all seriousness, the desire to be liked is not anything new. Let's look at the exact definition:
Likability: easy to like; found pleasant; agreeable. AGREEABLE. Keep that word in the back of your head.
We have been trying to make sure that we're fully liked since the beginning of time. We give into peer pressure, deny our Lord, and disrespect ourselves to try and fit in. We like to blend, not stand out. We don't want to step on toes or be seen as confrontational because this could lead to someone disagreeing with us. Disagreements are not a good basis for being liked by every person in the world, cloud in the sky, drop of water in the ocean, and blade of grass on the lawn.
As much as we want to be liked, our desire rests truly with wanting to be liked as our authentic selves. Let's look at that definition next:
Authenticity: not false or copied; true; original. TRUE. Now keep that word in the back of your head too.
We want to be liked--fact. But deep down, we really want to liked as fully ourselves.
We're now delving into one of my favorite topics to talk about: insecurity. Insecurities seriously fascinate me. They're what can dictate our motives, thoughts, words, and actions out of such intense fear. At the same time, we are almost more scared for people to know what they are. We are so scared of vulnerability. If you've ever had a heart-break in some capacity, you know why. We are scared that if we are vulnerable, people will take advantage of us. They will run with those insecurities, validating them in a sense.
But here's the problem: we can't actually be authentic if we aren't vulnerable. If we classify the world as something it's not and shield our hearts from everything, we're doing ourselves such an injustice. Truthfully, yes, there will be people who will take advantage of your vulnerability. Overall, this is almost never the case. If we show that we trust people and ourselves enough to just be open and honest about the good and the bad, we open a door to something even more liberating than being likable. We become respectable.
We will never be liked by everyone. Even if you're the nicest and most agreeable person ever, you will always be "too nice" or "too agreeable" to someone else. We need to shift our focus from wanting to gain so many shallow "friendships" to just being an honest, respectable person. We need to stop being scared to be authentic and let people see who we really are as holistic beings. We need to find the courage to be vulnerable, up front, and honest with others. We need to stop being so scared of hurting feelings. We need to be our genuine selves.
The fact is that we can't be 100% likable by everyone in the world while we are striving to be 100% authentic. It just doesn't work like that. But at the very least, we need to stop being controlled by the possible judgement of others.
For the longest time, I wore a mask to hide parts of myself I was scared of being judged for. Eventually, this mask seemed to turn to cement and become a permanent part of myself. It weighed me down and became so heavy. I felt the biggest sense of relief when I finally took it off.
I hate to admit it, but I've worn masks like this on more than one occasion. The most obvious being my health. I could go months without anyone in public ever knowing I was in pain. I was absolutely convinced that I wouldn't be lovable if I wasn't in perfect health. I had built up in my head that if people knew I was sick, they would either take advantage of or underestimate me. Full disclosure, both of these things happened. People made me feel guilty constantly for not dropping out of school, quitting my job, stopping my clubs....etc. They told me that I wasn't prioritizing myself and must not have wanted to get well that badly. Relationships wore thin and I've definitely been told during a breakup long ago that it happened in part because he, "got impatient of waiting for me to get better." I seemed to be either not functional enough for some, while I was too functional for others. You really can't win in all situations!
When these negative reactions happen, we shut down so fast. All of our insecurities just became validated, so what other option do we have? We can continue on in bravery and throw all of that in the garbage because they do NOT define us!
Here's the thing, not everyone treated me like that. I was (and still am) completely blown away by the number of people who have reached out to me now because I finally felt brave enough to take off the mask. People contact me constantly asking for health advice and help receiving a Lyme diagnosis. Now, I get the incredible honor to keep so many people in my prayers and ask God for their healing. I get to meet and connect with people in such a beautiful way that only God could have curated. And those people who didn't handle the vulnerability well? 9/10 times it was because they just simply didn't understand how chronic illness works.
I have this incredible opportunity now to speak up and use my voice! To tell those people that while it is important to set aside time for rest, healing isn't just resting. Healing is prioritizing all parts of yourself and letting yourself know that you are still capable. For me, this meant staying in school, working my fabulous job, and living my life the way I feel God wants. Take rest days, please! But just because you are healing doesn't mean you need to put your life on hold. Now, I speak so easily about my health journey and could not be more appreciative for everything that has unfolded in my life because of it.
This was just one example about how so many doors have opened for me by being vulnerable. Vulnerability is something that needs to be constantly worked on though. I still wear masks for other insecurities in my life. The masks don't come down all at once and there will always be new ones. But we need to find ways to take each of them off one by one in a way that ensures we are being authentic.
By being powerfully vulnerable, we are gaining the respect of others and proving to be our authentic selves. Your bravery might intimidate some, the truth might make others uncomfortable, and you might lose a few followers along the way. But don't be scared to use your voice on whatever platform God has called you to because of the fear of being disliked. We aren't here for everyone to agree with us about everything. We are here to live and be truth itself. Dare to be courageous and bold today. Be brave.
You daring to keep up with life while healing and going through such a hard process requires great braveness.
ReplyDeleteBut it's a whole different thing to open up and write about it. To let the world take a look at your situation, your shadows, your insecurities. Your hardest battles within you. This is the greatest form of braveness.
It's absolutely impossible to be likeable by everyone, because as you wrote, our authentic selves aren't perfect, we have so many insecurities to be worked out, to be faced, to be healed. But, even so, whenever we dare to take that mask off, lower our guards and just speak up about what's happening inside our hearts and minds... Yes, people leave. But also, authentic people comes in. They are few at the begining, but those numbers start to rise up as you open up more and more. As you write more and more.
Because as difficult as it is to be vulnerable, it is a HUGE blessing to others. The single fact that you dared to start writing about your battles, your weakest self and what you've learned through the process is a great blessing for all of us.
I am not going through Lyme. But I've had many battles and I'm going through some heavy ones now. And it always helps immensely to read people like you, that's being so brave through their own battles, that show themselves authentically to the world.
You are great. You are a blessing. You are beautiful and amazing.
Don't ever stop blessing us all with your words.
Rikki.