What Am I Worth?
What am I worth? Do I have anything valuable to offer this world and the people in it? Will I ever trust others and believe in myself again? Are people able to see past my exterior and value my heart?
Self doubt. It's a brat--plain and simple.
We all have insecurities. Most people talk about their physical insecurities: "Ugh I have this awful pimple today," or "I wish I could lose those last 5 pounds." Most people vocalize those insecurities as a way to almost say, "yes I realize my flaws and I'm trying to point them out before you think about them" when in reality, people never really pay attention to those flaws to begin with. Eventually, we realize those insecurities fluctuate because our bodies are ever-changing, and they seem to become less of a big deal.
But other types of insecurities that aren't always vocalized as easily are internal insecurities, much like the questions asked in the first paragraph. We question our worth. We question our value. We question our impact. We question our failures. We question those beautiful characteristics that make us who we are. To others looking at us from the outside, those unique things are admirable and something that someone else is always striving for. But to us, we see them as reasons that decrease our worth.
For example, if someone walks out of my life for any reason, I instantly feel guilty and question myself, regardless of what happened or who they were. What am I lacking? Are my ambitions and standards too high or unattainable? How could I have changed and what can I change in the future? I instantly feel like I need to be less of myself in order to be more for the world. To comply with common standards to be seen and valued. To fix some part of myself to be enough.
Those are the insecurities we don't like to talk about much. But I'm always amazed when I open up and stop running, how many people confide in me about similar things. When we take a chance on vulnerability, we are doing more than just releasing our built up insecurities and defeating the power they had over us. We are allowing others a safe place to do the same. We are breaking the common social rules and making a new norm.
The truth is that those insecurities are just ways satan is trying to takeover our minds. He doesn't want us to believe we are enough for this world or the people in it. He wants us to think we need fixing. He wants us to believe we have no worth. He wants us ultimately to succumb to being less.
But we are fortunate because we have a God who has shown us the truths to those lies. He died for us to show that we are enough. That we are not broken. That we hold worth and value. That we should never be less than who we are called to be.
When the people we love hurt us or leave or make mistakes like humans do, we need to hold fast to those truths. Because our value doesn't lie in others' actions or anything that comes from this earth. Jesus defined our value and he is the only one who can consistently continue to define our value and show us our worth.
Often times while I'm doubting myself, I'm also doubting love and how to trust again and how to hope again. Something someone very close to my heart shared with me recently is the Litany of Trust. If you are unfamiliar with this prayer, I highly encourage you to look it up and pray it daily. The words are pure, genuine, and simple. Here are some of my favorite parts:
From the fear that I am unlovable, Deliver me Jesus.
From anxiety about the future, Deliver me Jesus.
That you are with me in my suffering, Jesus I trust in you.
That you will teach me to trust, Jesus I trust in you.
This prayer hits all of my deepest fears and insecurities, and reminds me that I am so very loved. It also reminds me of my capabilities. That I am capable of giving and receiving genuine love. That I am capable of having a beautiful future. That I am capable of uniting my suffering and pain with the cross. That I am capable of giving my trust again.
This prayer resonates so much with me because it forces me to stop running away from my fears. Once I just stop running and look up, I realize that Jesus was there waiting for me the whole time. He knocks so patiently on our hearts and whispers, "Let me in." He wants to hold us. He wants to heal us. He wants to love us through our pain and mistakes. He just wants us to trust him with our hearts.
You are strong. You are beautiful. You are more than enough at all times. Trust the truths, not the lies.
Self doubt. It's a brat--plain and simple.
We all have insecurities. Most people talk about their physical insecurities: "Ugh I have this awful pimple today," or "I wish I could lose those last 5 pounds." Most people vocalize those insecurities as a way to almost say, "yes I realize my flaws and I'm trying to point them out before you think about them" when in reality, people never really pay attention to those flaws to begin with. Eventually, we realize those insecurities fluctuate because our bodies are ever-changing, and they seem to become less of a big deal.
But other types of insecurities that aren't always vocalized as easily are internal insecurities, much like the questions asked in the first paragraph. We question our worth. We question our value. We question our impact. We question our failures. We question those beautiful characteristics that make us who we are. To others looking at us from the outside, those unique things are admirable and something that someone else is always striving for. But to us, we see them as reasons that decrease our worth.
For example, if someone walks out of my life for any reason, I instantly feel guilty and question myself, regardless of what happened or who they were. What am I lacking? Are my ambitions and standards too high or unattainable? How could I have changed and what can I change in the future? I instantly feel like I need to be less of myself in order to be more for the world. To comply with common standards to be seen and valued. To fix some part of myself to be enough.
Those are the insecurities we don't like to talk about much. But I'm always amazed when I open up and stop running, how many people confide in me about similar things. When we take a chance on vulnerability, we are doing more than just releasing our built up insecurities and defeating the power they had over us. We are allowing others a safe place to do the same. We are breaking the common social rules and making a new norm.
The truth is that those insecurities are just ways satan is trying to takeover our minds. He doesn't want us to believe we are enough for this world or the people in it. He wants us to think we need fixing. He wants us to believe we have no worth. He wants us ultimately to succumb to being less.
But we are fortunate because we have a God who has shown us the truths to those lies. He died for us to show that we are enough. That we are not broken. That we hold worth and value. That we should never be less than who we are called to be.
When the people we love hurt us or leave or make mistakes like humans do, we need to hold fast to those truths. Because our value doesn't lie in others' actions or anything that comes from this earth. Jesus defined our value and he is the only one who can consistently continue to define our value and show us our worth.
Often times while I'm doubting myself, I'm also doubting love and how to trust again and how to hope again. Something someone very close to my heart shared with me recently is the Litany of Trust. If you are unfamiliar with this prayer, I highly encourage you to look it up and pray it daily. The words are pure, genuine, and simple. Here are some of my favorite parts:
From the fear that I am unlovable, Deliver me Jesus.
From anxiety about the future, Deliver me Jesus.
That you are with me in my suffering, Jesus I trust in you.
That you will teach me to trust, Jesus I trust in you.
This prayer hits all of my deepest fears and insecurities, and reminds me that I am so very loved. It also reminds me of my capabilities. That I am capable of giving and receiving genuine love. That I am capable of having a beautiful future. That I am capable of uniting my suffering and pain with the cross. That I am capable of giving my trust again.
This prayer resonates so much with me because it forces me to stop running away from my fears. Once I just stop running and look up, I realize that Jesus was there waiting for me the whole time. He knocks so patiently on our hearts and whispers, "Let me in." He wants to hold us. He wants to heal us. He wants to love us through our pain and mistakes. He just wants us to trust him with our hearts.
You are strong. You are beautiful. You are more than enough at all times. Trust the truths, not the lies.
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